What I'm learning.......

I'm reading this book, "Feminine Appeal" by Carolyn Mahaney & it is excellent!  The chapter I read this week is called "The Blessings of Loving My Children".  I want to share one of the things that has impacted me the most in this chapter.  It has to do with not "indulging" our children.   

First I have to say that I know Carolyn & her daughters.  Carolyn & her girls definitely live what they teach in their books & on their GirlTalk Blog.  Carolyn excels in the area of being a wife & a mother.  I'm sure she has areas she is working on also but I am encouraged & inspired to seek God more & to learn to be a better wife & mommy as I learn from her!

The issue I was convicted by & spurred on to want to grow in is what Carolyn calls not "indulging" my children.  Here are two quotes that I love in regard to this issue & I'll tell you why in just a minute.  First, Carolyn says, "We must not allow our warm affection to degenerate into indulgence.  To indulge our children means to allow them to use, do, or have what they want to the detriment of their character.”  WOW........um, totally convicting!  It is absolutely a good thing, a gift even, to have "warm affection" for our children.  BUT.......for sappy mom's like me, it's very easy to let that desire to see our children be happy quickly "degenerate" into indulgence & herein lies the huge temptation for me!  Sometimes I don't even realize it & I have to stop & think.  I have to ask myself the tough questions, "Am I giving in to my childrens' requests simply because I want them to be happy?"  I don't struggle as much with the "giving in to avoid conflict" issue, it's usually that I want my girls to "have a happy childhood".  Yep, I've heard myself say or think that quite a few times!  This can be a wonderful thing but if taken to extremes it can become an idol, an all-consuming sinful desire AND it can lead to very UNhappy fruit in our childrens' hearts & lives!

Then Carolyn said, "In our effort to enjoy our children, we must never become tolerant of sinful behavior or lenient toward worldly compromise."  Yep.......thought provoking to say the least!  There are many many issues that come to mind when I think about this but I will talk about music.  I LOVE music.  I love music that sounds good, is fun to sing along to & gets me up & dancing!  My little girls love music.  They love music about as much or maybe even MORE so than their Mama!  They love to sing, they love to dance & they pretty much sing all day long.  There are lots of young, current, female musicians that would be "fun" for my girls to listen to & even me too!   My girlies & I have had lots of opportunities to talk about music & why we do or don't listen to certain kinds on our way home from stores that play it over the speakers.  It's fun, of course we would like it & enjoy singing along!  I know my girls would love to listen to the current music that's out there but would it feed their little souls?  Would it point them to the Savior?  I don't think that EVERYthing we do or hear HAS to be directly about God but, will it draw their little hearts to passionate affection for God or away from it?  As we all know, if our hearts aren't worshiping God, they will be worshiping something!  As their Mommy, it's my job, which I prefer to call my awesome privilege, to mold & lead their little hearts.  This includes things that may seem insignificant, like what kind of music they listen to.  It would be easy for me to let my girls listen to it, it would even be fun.  But.......would it be worldly compromise?  If I know it's not the best thing for my little girls, if I know their little hearts are naturally drawn to the Taylor Swift's (not that there is anything wrong with her personally) of this world, then I should be on my guard & make it easier for them to not get caught up into those things. 

Not indulging my children has always been an area of temptation for me.  I don't blame any of my sin on anything but my own wretched heart!  BUT........if I'm being completely honest, there are things about my life that I want to make different and/or better for my own children!  This can definitely be a good thing but again, I have to guard against making those things too important!  I grew up with an amazingly wonderful single Mom.  She & my Dad divorced when I was only 9 months old.  My Mom worked incredibly hard for my sister & I!  She usually had two jobs which meant she had to be away from us a lot more than she wanted to be.  From the time I was 9 months old on up, we were out the door by 6 am to get to daycare & got picked up from daycare after my Mom left work only to be left again with a sitter for her to begin her 2nd job.  Over the years, my Sister & I became what I like to call the "original" latch key kids, before that was really a "thing"!  We got up in the mornings, ate our breakfast, walked to school starting as young as Kindergarten, came home in the afternoon, made ourselves a snack, did our chores, did our homework, helped or completely made dinner, watched TV either with our Mom or while she was working her 2nd job & then went to bed.  I love my Mom, I adored my Mom!  She was my very best friend growing up, but, she was absent.  Unintentionally absent.  She was working hard every single moment of every day to provide for her girls.  That meant we barely saw her.  I have the occasional beach vacation memory of time with my Mom but for the most part, my Sister & I were on our own.  We had to make our own fun & most times, I wasn't very good at that!  I want to give my girls the happy, carefree childhood that I didn't have.  Often times, this becomes an idol, it becomes more important to me than the things that I really should be focusing on like their character!  Sometimes I get so caught up in wanting to see my girls have happy lives that I have to remind myself that godly contentment, selfless serving & a quiet & gentle spirit are much more valuable to God & me too!

This last quote from Carolyn reminds me to think long-term & not just about what will make my girls happy right now.  She says, "What is the ultimate purpose of a phileo (a tender, affectionate & passionate) kind of love?  It is nothing less than the salvation of our children’s souls.  This is the chief end of mothering.  Our goal is not that our children be happy, fulfilled and successful.  Granted, we may desire these things for them.  But our highest objective should be that our children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ and reflect the gospel to the world around them.”  Another awesome quote about this is by
JC Ryle.  He said, “This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all you do for your children.  In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, “How will this affect their souls?”

I adore my 5 sweet little girls.  If you know me, even just a little bit, you already know that I'm that sappy, ooey gooey, crazy in love with my children Mommy.  It probably annoys many but it's true & it's simple.  I LOVE my children!  I'm not embarrassed to say that I enjoy them, I love to be with them, I think about them when we're apart, I love to do special things with & for them.  It makes me ridiculously happy to set up a special surprise "candlelight midnight pancake picnic" on the living room floor or whisk them away from their beds long after bedtime to take them out for ice cream in their jammies or to have a "happy 1st day of summer" surprise party waiting for them first thing in the morning.  I don't say that to boast.  I know lots of other Mommy's do the same & even more than I do.  My heart is "naturally" inclined toward tenderly loving my children.  I say "naturally" in quotations because no good thing happens apart from God & His Holy Spirit!  It is all a gift, His mercy & His grace!  I recognize that & I am so very grateful for it!  I say this to show that I don't struggle with the "loving my children part", I struggle with the, "we must not allow our warm affection to degenerate into indulgence" part!  I would venture to say that it is probably MORE sinful to struggle with what I do than the opposite.  I want to love my children's souls too!  I want my "highest objective to be that my  children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ and reflect the gospel to the world around them"!  (paraphrased)  I'm grateful that I want my girls to have happy, blessed & fun lives but I earnestly desire to do what JC Ryle says, "In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, “How will this affect their souls?”!

This is so deep, so convicting & so real to where I am in my Mommy-ing right now!  Mothering my children, teaching them to love & serve & glorify God, all the while continuing to tenderly adore them will take all of  my attention & all of my heart cries to God for the rest of my life.  If I hope to do any of this right, I will need gobs of God's enabling & sustaining grace every.......single.......day!