Sick little ones & God's grace!

On Sunday night my little Ava was having trouble sleeping & kept waking up crying. This is very unusual for her because she is an awesome, champion sleeper & she has never been a wake-up-crying-in-the-middle-of-the-night-baby! Well, she was that night! I kept going in to check on her, comfort her, give her her passy, tell her I loved her but I just assumed she had been startled out of her sleep.......for the first 4 or 5 times. Then I felt her little forehead &, yep, she was warm! My heart sank. I picked her up, cuddled her for a minute & I realized that she was warmer than just a little warm. I kept encouraging myself, she's just teething, it's a little warm in her room, maybe she was just covered up too much....you know, talking myself out of fearing that she was getting sick! If you don't know me well, I get very anxious & fearful when my children get sick. I really wanna be that Mommy who can just calmly, fearlessly deal with my sick child & not let my very sinful & very emotional imagination run away with me! But, oh man, does it RUN! Once again, I try with all MY might (uh, I think the problem lies therein, don't you!?) to focus on God, trust in His sovereignty & all the stuff I know I'm supposed to "do, think & feel"! In my exhausted state all I can muster is "Jesus, please protect my baby, God please don't let my baby be sick".......etc & so on & so forth! I know this all sounds terribly silly but when it's 3 am & I'm very tired it all seems very real, at least for me it does. So, down we hunker in Ava's rocking chair, blanky or "bucky" as she lovingly calls it, passy for Ava, blanket for Mommy, footstool for Mommy & lots of praying or at least trying in my half awake state. I could tell my sweet little Ava really didn't feel good, she was rubbing her teary eyes, pulling at her little ears, nose running all over the place & hot as can be. She was laying on my chest finally falling asleep. While we were rocking I coughed. Just a normal, regular, dry, I have crazy allergies kind of cough & I hear the sweetest, most adorable little voice say, "Mommy? K?" which is how Ava asks if someone is "okay" anytime they sneeze, cough, say "ow" or anything! In that moment, my fearful, tired heart melted. It was unbelievable but I started to cry. I couldn't believe that although my little baby was sick & feeling terrible, she was concerned about her Mommy's little cough. It was precious. In that very moment God did something amazing in my heart. In just an instant all the amazing things God has done in my life starting flooding my mind. I started thinking about & praising God for all of the blessings He has poured out for me. Here I am, this sinful, wretched person, yet, my amazing, loving, gracious God has chosen to love me, to save me through His beautiful Son, Jesus, my Savior! All of my fear, anxiety, doubt & worry just melted away. God gave me His peace, His peace that defies understanding. My sweet baby was still feeling pretty yucky & I was so sad for her but trusting in God that it was gonna be okay. That was totally NOT my doing, it was God, a work of His amazing grace grabbing a hold of my sinful heart & setting my gaze straight upon Him, again.......where it should always be in the first place. I continued to rock my little Ava & eventually slept on a cot beside her crib because she would wake up sad & crying every 30 minutes. I could comfort her by talking to her, sticking my arm through her crib slats & holding her hand & we finally slept! Although I really WAS exhausted, I knew God's peace & fell asleep thinking about all the amazing & awesome blessings He has given me! I wish I could remember to remember these things all the time! : ) I'm starting to wonder if God brings me to the end of "me" like when I'm half sleep deprived at 3 am to speak to my heart because then I have no strength of my "own" to try to work it out! : ) I love God, I love that Jesus saved me, I love my amazing Husband, I love our 4 precious little girls, I love our new sweet little baby, I love our extended family, I love our church & our care group, I love our many awesome friends & I love that God provides for our every need, being spiritual, physical, financial & every other way! I love that God loves me enough to show me my need for Him & that He continues to surprise me every day with His grace! Just wanted to share what God is doing in my often tired, sinful & needy (of God's grace!) Mommy heart! : )