December~ The month our Mom's died...... this is a very long post, but for a very good reason!

December has always been one of my favorite months of the year but it is also very sad for us both. Two of the most precious people in our lives, our Mom's, both died in the month of December. Randal's Mom, Amy Curtis Randal Palmer (My Randal was named after his Mom's maiden name) died on December 22, 1982 & my Mom, Rosemary Faulkner Gober died on December 11, 1993. Randal's Mom died when he was only 8 years old in a horribly tragic car accident after a night of family Christmas caroling & my Mom died when I was 18 years old at home after a very long & painful 5 year struggle with breast cancer. We lost them in very different ways but the sadness & grief were very much the same. Randal's Mom had the amazing honor of being a Mommy for only a very short while & my Mom missed seeing me get married to the love of my life by only 4 months. Our hearts are still very sad for them both. "Grandma Amy" & "Grandma Rose" as we affectionately call them would have adored their 4 little Granddaughters & oh how we wish our Mom's were still in our lives for our girlies to know & love! One of the things that bonded us as a young couple was knowing that we had both gone through the loss of our Mom's. I can remember many nights of sitting on the couch together talking about our Mom's, reminiscing about how special they were to us & crying together. Our Mom's were amazing Mother's, Randal's Mom was a wonderful wife (my Mom was a single Mom from the time I was 9 months old) & they both loved God with all their hearts! Both of them lived to honor & glorify God, to serve & love their families & others & were amazing examples until the end of their lives! I missed having both of them at our wedding & wished they could have been with us at the births of our 4 girls! What a fun thing that would have been & how I longed for that! I especially miss them when my girlies do something sweet or cute that I know their Grandmas would love! Randal & I both feel absolutely honored & privileged to have been given such gifts, our Mom's, even if for only a short time. God has been so good & so kind. Even though it has been hard not having our Mom's, we know they are with Jesus enjoying Him forever! In His kindness, God has given us Randal's (stepMom....although she is VERY much his real Mom in every sense of the word!) Mom, Dee & my Grandma, Polly who have been precious to us both! They have filled every longing for a Mom & Grandma (Great Grandma too!) & we are so incredibly grateful for them! I wish you could have known Amy & Rose (our firstborn baby girl is named in honor of her two Grandma's, she is Amy Rose!), you would have completely loved & adored them as much as we do! We thank God for sweet memories with our amazing Mom's & we treasure them in our hearts every day! I don't know how it works, but I pray that they can see us from heaven & can enjoy their sweet little Granddaughters from there! We are very comforted that the 6 little babies we have lost are in heaven being held & loved by their Grandma's ~ a thought that makes my heart smile! We have 4 baby girls to enjoy here & they have 6 to enjoy there! Even though we don't understand why sad things happen, we know that God's enduring faithfulness & sweet love remains. We love & miss our Mom's & we are grateful to God for them!

When I first heard this song, "It Is Not Death To Die" from the Sovereign Grace "Come Weary Saints" CD I did NOT like it! I would skip it immediately & I didn't even want to hear the words. One day I couldn't get to the CD player to skip so I heard the entire thing. I was in tears by the end of the first verse. I thought hearing or singing the song would bring back sad memories of our Mom's deaths & I didn't want to go there. Instead, it was sweet & comforting & made me cry happy tears to realize that when our Mom's died, they went on to be with Jesus where they no longer suffered or ever felt sadness of any kind! When they closed their eyes, they weren't sad, they found amazing happiness & comfort with God....they GET to enjoy God/Jesus FOREVER! They get to dwell with our kind, good, amazing, gracious God who loves & cares for them more than we ever could! Two of my most favorite lines from the song are, "It is not death to close the eyes long dimmed by tears...." and "It is not death to hear the key unlock the door....". I love the first line because my Mom suffered a very painful five years with cancer that went from breast cancer to lung, bone & brain cancer. My Mom DID have eyes dimmed by tears. She had the most beautiful blue eyes & it broke my heart looking into her eyes as she cried in pain as a young teenager trying to make everything better for my sweet mom, my best friend! How sad those days were.... Randal's Mom also suffered greatly in her last few hours of life. She was crushed in a car accident. Everything from the front end of the car ended up against her, pinning her & breaking her body. She was bleeding & broken but her only concern was for her boys. Randal was 8 & Ryan was 5 & although she was in severe pain, she kept asking about her little boys ~ so precious! Randal was sitting in the back across from his Mom so he could see her sweet face covered with blood, the pain & sadness in her soft brown eyes but couldn't get to her! Both of our Mom's came to Jesus having suffered & were made new, never to know suffering or pain again! Such a happy thought! The other line makes me cry because I can imagine Jesus standing on the other side of the "door" unlocking it. I can imagine our Mom's waiting in anticipation, hearing the key, seeing the door open & running into the arms of Jesus......amazing!

If you want to hear this song, click on my Play List to the right of this post.

It is not death to die
To leave this weary world
And join the saints who dwell on high
Who've found their home with God
It is not death to close
The eyes long dimmed by tears
And wake in joy before your throne
Delivered from our fears

O Jesus, conquering the grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die

It is not death to fling
Aside this earthly dust
And rise with strong and noble wing
To live among the just
It is not death to hear
The key unlock the door
That sets us free from from mortal years
To praise You evermore

O Jesus, conquering to grave
Your precious blood has power to save
Those who trust in You
Will in Your mercy find
That it is not death to die


We love & miss you with all our hearts Mom's & Grandma's, Amy & Rose! We thank God for every moment we had with you! You are precious to us!